Cap'n, We've got Stowaways
by Jninja15
Summary: Just a normal day traveling through the 'verse on Serenity, then Mal finds that his ship has been invaded by talking technicolor ponies, and the crew didn't tell him until 10 minutes after.


"Jayne?" Mal, captain of the Firefly-class transport vessel _Serenity_, asked, "What is that?"

Jayne Cobb, a member of Mal's crew aboard Serenity, stared at the subject in question. He was in shock along with his captain. "It's a pony, sir. With light blue fur."

Mal turns to Jayne, "And rainbow hair?"

"Yes sir," Jayne confirmed, not looking away from the pony.

"And wings?"

"Uh-huh."

Mal put his hand to his chin and stroked it thoughtfully, "And- pray tell- what is such a colorful creature doing on board my ship? And- more to the point- in your room?"

The pony in question stood in the middle of Jayne's room, looking back at them through half-open eyes.

The pony flicked its rainbow tail as Jayne slowly shook his head, not taking his eyes off the pony. "I don't rightly know, captain."

Then, in a slightly raspy and feminine voice, the pony spoke, "Are you two gonna stare at me all day or what? I mean, I know I'm awesome, but you guys are starting to creep me out."

Mal nearly jumped out of his skin as he clenched his hand over his heart; leaning back on the door frame for support. "Shèng shǐ! It can talk?!" He looks to Jayne, who had jumped back just as far as he did.

Jayne rapidly blinked his eyes as he stared at the talking pony with his mouth agape. "Hey, I'm just as surprised as you are."

Mal had some trouble getting his next words out as he looked back and forth between Jayne and the pony. "So-, uh- wha - What are we going to do about this pony!? The closest planet is hours away, and we ain't prepared to be transportin' livestock."

"Hey! Who are you calling livestock?" the pony snapped, jumping up and hoving close to the captain's face.

Mal flinched at the pony's sudden movement, pointing a finger at it and giving it a stern look. The pony graciously backed off, scowling at the captain as it continued to hover in mid-air.

Mal took in a deep breath, signifying how clearly agitated he was. Then, a girl in a flowery long sleeve shirt and olive green vest walks up to the captain.

"Captain?" the girl said sweetly.

"Not now Kaylee. I-" Mal responded, but when he looked at Kaylee, his engineer, he realized that she was holding something in her arms, like a little girl with a brand new kitten. It was a pink pony with a fluffy pink mane. Both Kaylee and the pony were smiling brightly as the pink pony waved a forehoof at the captain.

Kaylee snuggled the pony closer to her face as she said, "Can we keep it?"

"Gao yang jong duh goo yang!" Mal exclaimed. "Another one!?"

"Hey! We have mothers, and we're not goats!" the pink pony huffed in a high pitched voice, almost like a squeaky toy, pointing an accusatory hoof at the captain.

Mal gripped the door frame with one hand, holding himself up as he was about to faint from another heart attack. He took a deep breath, "And, of course, this one can talk too."

Jayne observed the pink pony. "Huh. This one actually looks kind of cute." he leaned in closer and smelled its mane. "And it smells like cotton candy."

"I know, right?" Kaylee said as nuzzled her face deeper into the pony's mane, making the pink pony giggle at the attention. Meanwhile, the rainbow maned one continued to scowl as it rolled its eyes.

Before the conversation could go on any further, or before Jayne decided to go smell the other one, Mal interrupted. "Kaylee? Are there any more of these ponies on board my ship?"

Kaylee pulled her head out of the fluffy pink mane and tilted it thoughtfully. "Now that I think about it, I did see Zoë and River with their own ponies down in the cargo hold."

Mal grit his teeth as he stormed out of Jayne's room and through the hall.

"How many gorram ponies are on my ruttin' shi-" Mal's question was interrupted when he tripped over something and fell face-first onto the metal floor. When he looked back at what tripped him, he saw a shivering, fuzzy yellow ball with a pair of yellow wings and long pink hair on two sides. It was another pony.

Kaylee gasped, set down the pink pony she was holding and ran up to the pony that tripped her captain. "Are you OK?" she cooed as she moved the captain's feet and stroked the yellow pony's mane, the pony's shaking slowing and uncovered its eyes from behind its hooves and wings.

"I'm fine too. Thanks for asking." Mal said sarcastically as he got himself up and continued storming down the hall towards the cargo hold.

The yellow pony let out a soft yelp as it covered its eyes and began shivering again.

"Don't be upset about the captain." Kaylee cooed, "He's like this all the time. Here, let me take you to the infirmary to make sure that he didn't bruise you up too badly." and Kaylee picks up the yellow pony, cradling it in her arms as she walked down the hall after her captain.

When Mal reached the cargo hold, he saw two strange things, and this time it wasn't just the ponies. One, was, well, the ponies in his cargo hold, only now, they were wearing clothes. One pony was orange with a blonde yellow mane and tail, tied at the ends with red bands and wearing a cowboy hat. The other pony was grey with a greyish purple mane, wearing a dull blue sweater with a black band around its midsection. The second strange thing that Mal noticed was that two of his most unlikely crew members were playing with these ponies, River Tam, the ship's doctor's psychotic sister, and Zoë Washburn, Mal's first mate and a former soldier who fought alongside him during the war.

River sat cross-legged as she played "patty-cake" with the grey one, both of their faces expressionless as they traded "high-fives" with their hands or hooves. Zoë was spotting the orange one with the hat on the bench press nearby. Zoë had an amused smirk on her face as she leaned over the orange pony, her hands behind her back, but prepared to catch a falling barbell if necessary. When Zoë looked up and spotted the captain standing completely still and horribly confused, she immediately grabbed the barbell from the pony and set it to rest on the bench press' hooks, struggling a little bit from the surprising weight the pony was able to lift. River and her pony, however, ignored the captain and continued their game of patty-cake.

"Captain!" Zoë said a little louder than she usually would, standing at attention to her former superior officer.

"What the hay, Zoë!" the orange pony complained, "Ah wasn't done. Ah was only at thirty reps. Ah coulda gone fifty."

"Not now, AJ." Zoë snapped, her voice barely above a whisper.

Mal raised an eyebrow, no longer phased by talking ponies at this point.

"AJ?" he said, "You on a first-name basis with a stowaway talking pony already?"

Zoë gave a nervous chuckle as she leaned on the bar of the dumbbell. She wet her lips then bit them as they curled inwards. She maintained eye contact with Mal, but it was evident that she desperately wanted to look away.

Mal crossed his arms, waiting for a response from his first officer.

"Well," Zoë began, "at least there's only two stowaways."

Mal tilted his head to the side and forward a little bit as he moved aside to show Kaylee carrying a yellow pony to the infirmary as she was followed by a pink one and a blue one.

Zoë clenched her jaw as she glanced at Kaylee and her herd, then stared in silence at her captain.

Mal took a step forward and asked his first officer a simple question, "Do you know how these ponies got on board?"

Zoë shook her head. "No, sir."

"And- how long have they been on board, to your knowledge?"

Zoë inhaled sharply as she stood up straight and put her hands in her back pants pockets, "About ten minutes, sir."

"Ten minutes? And nobody called in that there were wild animals on my ship?"

"Woah, woah, woah. Hey there." Retorted AJ, holding up a hoof as she sat on the bench press, "We ain't wild animals."

Mal turned his attention to the orange pony and sarcastically held up a hand apologetically, "Right, of course. My mistake. How come nobody told me about the **talking ponies on my ship**!?"

Zoë hesitated for a second. "You were sleeping, sir. Didn't want to disturb you."

Mal groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just how many of you ponies are there on board my ship?"

"Well, I don't really know. 'Bout ten minutes ago I was alone, out apple-bucking on mah farm then suddenly I was here with Maud, Zoë, and- uh, What's yer name again sugarcube?"

"River." She responded in a monotone voice, not looking away from Maud and their game.

"Right, River." AJ completed, "The only other ponies I know that are here are Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. We just saw them pass by goin' that direction." and AJ pointed a hoof toward the direction of the infirmary.

A small chorus of little children screaming at the top of their lungs rang through the halls, "Cutie Mark Crusader shepherds! Yeah!"

"Count three more." AJ said dryly. She sighed, "I best go see what mah sister and her friends are up to. Don't want to cause any more trouble than we may already have."

"I'll help." said Zoë as she and AJ walked down the hall towards the voices of children.

"What's going on down there?" came Hoban Washburne's voice over the intercom. "I thought I heard a commotion."

Mal walked up to the nearest intercom in the cargo hold and said, "Nothing Wash, just rounding up some equine stowaways. One's even helping."

There was a moment of silence from Wash, "I'm sorry, sir, but did you say 'equine stowaways'?"

"That I did, Wash."

"Equine, as in horses?"

"More like ponies. Quite colorful too."

"...And you said one of them is helping. Can you explain that to me, captain?"

"Well, you know how a bloodhound can sniff out other dogs?"

"Uh... OK, sure."

"Well, I imagine it's nothing like that, she speaks English and- as I understand it- works on a farm that she owns."

"... Captain, are we transporting drugs that I didn't know about that you are momentarily getting into?"

"No, Wash, I am not. Call the rest of the crew for an emergency meeting in the dining hall. Invite any pony stowaways to join in as well."


End file.
